A U S T R A L I A  
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Epilog

Some lists and other thoughts

Oz was an amazing place of contrasts large and small: here are some of them:

  • So much space, so few people
  • Cave with a carpeted floor
  • Even if you live on a 15,000 acre station, the house still stands on an 1/8 acre lot.
  • Lakes have evaporated in the drought, but the roads are closed because they are too wet
  • Dusty miners in threadbare clothes with cell phones and credit cards

I was struck by how much more "British" Australia was in comparison to the US. Mostly in small ways:

  • Driving on the left (that's a big one!)
  • Even if you live on a 15,000 acre station, the house still stands on an 1/8 acre lot.
  • Tea kettles in rooms instead of coffee-makers.
  • Instant, caffinated coffee, or tea. Your choice.
  • Fish and chips
  • Urinals (multi-user troughs, not the individual stalls favored by Americans)
  • Bitter beers (at least by name, the taste was mostly disappointing)
  • Pub names
  • Hot and cold faucets, not mixers
  • The W guy who's name is everywhere is Wellington, not Washington

Suzy's Treasure Hunt

Suzy wrote:

Please find and photograph the following bits of 'stralian kulcha. There is, of course, an endless list of unique and amazing parts collectively called Australia. If you don't come back I'll understand why.

This was really Wayne's "chore" rather than mine, so some of the things were in geographies I missed, and many others I provided getaway support while Wayne risked life and limb as he legged it back up one=way streets and across multiple lanes of limited access highways. It was nevertheless a thoughtful, and thought-provoking list that we both derived a lot of fun from.

This column is my random comments.

The sunlight

Yup, it was different. Not quite as obviously as the south of France, but certainly a special beauty of its own.

200 species of birds (feathered kind)

No problem. Even I nearly achieved that target, thanks to Wayne. Parentheses allude to slang (also in UK) for a person of female persuasion, in mating plummage. Girl-friends, other people's girl-friends, singles. Not mothers, wifes, daughters.

The lack of people (features big)

Yes. If we can meet 75% of a town's population in the time it takes to drink a beer, we're in a different world.

The open space (features even bigger)

 

Larrikins/Galahs

 

Koala

Check

Kangaroo

Check

Wombat

Check. Though too dark to photograph, plus from the deck of a visciously rolling 4x4 I'd've been sea sick before I got the camera to my face.

Digeridoo

Check.

Eucalypts spp

 

Surf lifeguard hats

 

Sheila

 

Paw paw

 

Kurunda markets

 

Giant pineapple

 

Boston Bay oysters

 

Baroosa Valley wine

Check.

Devils marbles

 

A Sister

We think this alludes to the The Three Sisters, though why we would single out just one, we're not sure.

Melbourne Cup Day fancy hats

Check, to our great pleasure and surprise.

Toorak Road and great coffee

 

Yarra River

 

King's Bay double crème brie

Check. Went down very well with the Barossa Valley

Tassie devil

Check. Did we ever.

grog

Does our bottle of rum count?

Only deciduous tree in Australia

 

A deadly spider

Thanks, but no thanks. Not at all sorry we missed this one.

Southern cross

The southern sky is a mess.

The Rocks

 

Recommended Reading

As part of "total emersion" my reading material for the trip is a neighbor's recommendation: "The Fatal Shore" by Robert Hughes, subtitled "The epic of Australia's founding." The Los Angeles Times described it as "one of the greatest non-fiction books I've ever read... Hughes brings you an entire world." I couldn't agree more. Unbelievably thorough, immensly readable, obviously tough in places (it's not for the faint of heart) but essential reading not just for those with an interest in Australian history, but also those interested in American revolutionary history. The connections, parallels and contrasts with America are unspoken, but fascinating. I can't recommend it enough.

Glossary

First draft readers of this text struggled with some of the terminology. So here's a glossary of Australian and British terms that you might need some help with. Some of them I didn't find an excuse to use, but I like them so much I included them anyway.

bush tv A campfire.
busier than a cat burying shit No explanation required, surely.
cardigan Wollen sweater, sometimes sleeveless, often pocketed, always buttoned down the front, worn by males over "a certain age."
cheek by jowl  
chippy See fish and chip shop
didgeridoo The Aboriginal Didgeridoo is a musical instrument usually cylindrical or conical in shape and can measure anywhere from 1 to 2 metres, with most instruments measuring around 1.5 metres. Generally, the longer the instrument, the lower the pitch or key. They are usually made from hardwoods, especially the various eucalyptus species that are endemic to the region. The main trunk of the tree is generally harvested, and Aboriginal craftsmen spend considerable time searching for a suitable tree to make into a didgeridoo. The difficult part is in finding a tree that has been suitably hollowed out by termites. If the hollow is too big or too small, it will make a poor quality instrument. The didgeridoo is played with continuously vibrating lips to produce the drone while using a special breathing technique called circular breathing. This requires breathing in through the nose whilst simultaneously expelling air out of the mouth using the tongue and cheeks.
dingo's breakfast A scratch, a yawn, and a good look around, but nothing of any actual nutritional value.
fish and chip shop A fast food restaurant. Since the fish is expensive, it is common to buy chips alone (hence the term "chippy." British chips are probably closest to steak fries in the US. The chippy specialises in deep-fried fare: fish of various types, sausages and of course the chips. These are cut with salt and vinegar, and other sour relishes such as pickled eggs, onions, dills.
frock I learned something here. My grandmother used the term a lot, but I never heard anyone younger than that use the term. So it always conjured up something grandma-like and frumpy, a sort of female cardigan. But in fact what she clearly had in mind was something much closer to a cocktail dress—as these young women are wearing. I could no more imagine grandma in one of those than I could her winning tennis matches, which she apparently did in much the same era as she was undoubtably wearing her party frocks.
grog Royal Navy rum-and-water ration in use from 1655 when Vice-Admiral William Penn, (father of the founder of Pennsylvania) arrived in Barbados and captured Jamaica, until July 30, 1970 "Black Tot Day," the last pipe of "Up Spirits" in the Royal Navy. But more generally, any and all spirits. Today most Brits still keep their booze in the grog cabinet.
   
long black Originally, I'm sure, descended from the Italian "cafe lungo" which is an expresso left under the drip so that it is a little weaker, but there's a little more liquid. Here means a good strong cup of black coffee, varying in size from a double expresso (Launceston Airport) to something Starbucks might describe as a "Vente."
   
pies Meat pies perhaps four inches by three, encased in flaky pastry. Always available, and always hot. Standard flavors include chicken and mushroom, steak and kidney, cheese and onion. Each has a different pattern or texture to the crust, so one can tell them apart without needing a label.
schooner About 12 or 20 ounces of beer, depending on the geography. It was larger in Adelaide than other parts.
short and curlies Literally, public hair. Used to imply that when pulled, ones heart and mind will follow. In other words, one has no choice.
Tooheys Black A dark bottled beer most similar to a porter. Not universally available, but reasonably common, and by far the most interesting of the national-branded beers we tried.
   
wedding tackle Male genitalia.